Tag Archives: poop

Everything about POOP you ever wanted to know.

How does your POOP measure up?

It’s really the only thing you do alone… and you can’t really compare battle stories with friends and family… so you MIGHT be doing something completely INSANE every time you poop, and you wouldn’t even know!

What do other cultures do? If you are at a party and need to poop, should you? On a date? On a FIRST date? At a job interview? Let’s answer all those questions and more!

I mean- You wouldn’t want to do something embarrassing when you’re alone in the bathroom, would you?

The Great American Poop-Off!

Let’s start off with the AMERICAN TOILET CONSENSUS so you can compare all aspects of your poop with what Americans consider ‘normal’.

The WORLD of Poop

Next… Let’s look at HOW PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD poop with these two stories:

…and the LEFTOVERS!

Are my living room urinals mounted too high?
QUESTION FOR THE ROOM: Are my living room urinals mounted too high?

AMERICAN POOPER

You can’t just ask a co-worker or friend. Besides- Everybody has their own little quirks about how they… take care of business.

So- Thanks to HEALTHLINE – You can now see into the bathrooms of your neighbors! [virtually. not literally.]

CLICK HERE for the TOTAL poop scoop!

Say Goodbye to Hollywood

HOLLYWOOD CLOSED

I give up. Hollywood wins.

Last night I witnessed Hollywood’s death rattle. It’s over. The people who are responsible for this part of Los Angeles have either lost the battle or given it up willingly. 

You can WATCH THE ABOVE VIDEO, but long story short: Last night I watched a guy assault tourists, women, men, locals, push people, knock people over, hit people… and NOBODY CARED. I tried to intervene but the guy had two other friends who wouldn’t allow it. Two Andrews International or Hollywood BID security officers stood by and watched. They said they had ‘already solved the problem’ while this guy is still assaulting people! Then they said it was ‘not their job’ and ‘He is on public property’. Multiple people BEGGED them to do something and in response, they were INSANELY rude and extremely dismissive. They actually gave one of those “shoo!” waves and every comment was met with a loud “Have a good evening sir! Have a good evening sir!” They were JUST about to leave when they finally decided to do the right thing: Go over and PUSH THE GUY DOWN.

…and with that, it was “Mission accomplished”! Job well done, fellas! Now go have a beer!

(They just left, of course). And, Of COURSE, the crazy guy just continues his reign of terror… and as a bonus- all in front of  little kids.

YES. I called the police. Later I called the police AGAIN. I stayed in the area for over an hour and LAPD never showed. To be fair: ONE #lapd car DROVE BY without stopping. (Probably on the way to the mystery meeting at the convenience store at Highland and Yucca where many of them congregate in a back room every single night). FYI- I have supported various police organizations my entire life, setting up funds for families of fallen officers and supporting a memorial for fallen officers. I have awards and accolades from departments ranging from New York City, to Washington DC, Houston, Memphis… in fact I was just talking to a friend of mine from the US Marshals Fugitive Task Force this morning.  YES LAPD is short on equipment… and staff …and pay. – But that is NO excuse for someone to be able to assault people without any impedance for over an hour in the most populous part of town!

Hollywood is the FACE of Los Angeles.

People travel from all over the world and bring their families. Tourists are responsible for a GIANT portion of the income of this city and the people in it. It SEEMS like it would be a good idea to take care of it. I guess not. It seems like they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Why have a Christmas parade when people may step on hypodermic needles? Why host the Oscars when ALL of Hollywood is overrun with homeless people, gangsters and scam artists? Why focus so much time and effort on one night, when the other 364 nights are like this?

The stars on Hollywood Blvd are cracked and broken and dirty and embarrassing. PROOF?

Here is a RANDOM EXAMPLE of one small part of the internationally famous and highly glamorous HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME!

There are giant holes are in the sidewalk where an adult person could EASILY fit the entire lower part of their leg. I have no idea how the city isn’t sued every single day.

In 1978, it only took ONE famous person to step in and fix the Hollywood sign. The sign was falling apart and covered in graffiti. Hugh Hefner asked famous people to contribute, and they did. The Hollywood sign was fixed and remains in fantastic condition to this day.

I had HOPES that just ONE celebrity would step in and help rejuvenate this town that is the symbol of the film industry, acting, television, music… – Basically all of ENTERTAINMENT for almost everyone in the world. That has not happened.

I tagged celebrities in my posts. I wrote letters and sent emails. 

NOTHING.

I offered to volunteer for The Hollywood Business Improvement District people. I contacted the mayor. 

NOTHING.

I contacted the media. Local news, national news Hollywood papers and magazines. 

NOTHING.

I even came up with a few SOLID ideas of how to solve some major issues with low-cost! Simple/easy common-sense solutions.  

I have tried to bring attention to this and otherwise done what small things any individual citizen can do. 

BUT, to quote a song- You have to know when to hold ’em… and know when to fold ’em”

At this point I am just shouting into the wind.

So- You win, Hollywood!

You have earned your reputation as a place that crushes people!

WILL’s NEWS BLOG

In addition to the NEWS [below] There is the WILL’s NEWS BLOG!

Here are some recent posts you might have missed if you don’t visit the BLOG on the regular!

How fast – would YOU guess – is a FORMULA 1 pit stop?

Are YOUR kids falling from the ceiling? Will’s News investigates!

A history of Poop Music

Want to see a businessman attacked by a PIG? Yes. Yes you do. 

They really know how to shoot in Alberta!

Zombie Wasp/Roach

Robot Parkour

Your EARS can make you hallucinate

I NEED A NEW SAAB! Mine is DYING!

Please donate your OLD SAAB to Will’s News! But-

HERE is a lesson in SAAB for the ill-informed.

 

WILL’s News INVESTIGATES: Alarming New Trend – Are YOUR KIDS Involved?

There is an ALARMING new trend, and we are proud to say: WILL’s NEWS is FIRST ON THE SCENE with the ALARMING story.

THE SCOOP

It all started innocently enough. An ordinary man was minding his own business in the ceiling of his ex-girlfriend’s apartment… when ALARMINGLY

HE FELL THROUGH THE CEILING!

It may SOUND like a crazy conspiracy theory, but in realityIt is an alarming trend among today’s youth!

THE PROOF

MARCH 30thSALINA KANSAS

Man falls through ceiling in ex-girlfriend’s home

Apr 20, 2018 – PHOENIX, AZ.

Carjacking suspect hiding in attic falls through ceiling

May 2, 2018 – LUBBOCK, TX

Man falls through ceiling in liquor store burglary

May 7, 2018: MICHIGAN

Raccoon family falls through ceiling of Michigan home [INCLUDES VIDEO]

JUNE 15th WASHINGTON STATE

suspect’s attempt to hide from deputies thwarted when he fell through ceiling

Jul 26, 2018 – CHANDLER, AZ

Thief falls through ceiling at Dunkin Donuts store

Jun 29, 2018 SPRUCE GROVE, Alberta

Woman falls through ceiling trying to run from police [INCLUDES BEST VIDEO EVER]

JULY 13thDover, New Hampshire

Man Falls Through Supermarket Ceiling Twice

Aug 9, 2018- NEW HAMPSHIRE

rodent fell through ceiling at Town Hall in Newton, N.H. amid screams [INCLUDES VIDEO]

Aug 27, 2018 – ORLANDO

intruder at an apartment IS opossum THAT barricaded itself behind a nightstand

SEPTEMBER 7th 2018 – GARDEN GROVE CALIFORNIA

Woman falls through ceiling at restaurant while in a crawl space looking for a bus stop [INCLUDES VIDEO]

SEPTEMBER 13th  OHIO

Mansfield murder suspect falls through ceiling and was arrested by police during a search at his apartment

OCT 14, 2018 NANNING CITY, CHINA

PYTHON FALLS THROUGH CEILING AT CHINESE BANK MEETING

OCT 23, 2018 ALBUQUERQUE, N.M

brazen burglar FALLS THROUGH CEILING AT high-security pawn shop 

OCT 31, 2018 in the UK

A patient was hit by human poo after it fell through the ceiling at Hospital

Nov 1, 2018 TENNESSEE

26-year-old woman — nude from the waist down —fell through the ceiling and into the kitchen.

AND TODAY in ALABAMA:

Man without pants falls through Alabama Waffle House ceiling [INCLUDES VIDEO]

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN ‘IN THE CEILING’

  • When you say the word ceiling they avert their eyes.
  • Hair or clothing covered in plaster.
  • Unexplained noises from the attic.
  • New friends who are all covered in plaster.
  • Broken ankles.
  • Visiting ceiling-oriented websites and message boards.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN “IN THE CEILING”

  • Confront them immediately by saying “Have you been in the ceiling?”
  • Tell them they are no longer allowed in the ceiling.
  • Explain to them the dangers of falling out of the ceiling.
  • In case they relapse, buy THICK carpet and stack empty cardboard boxes throughout your home.

 

abraham-lincoln-lincoln-memorial-washington-dc-lincoln

 

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow …by crawling up into the ceiling”.     -Abraham Lincoln

 

 

SMALL SIGNATURE

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A HISTORY of POOP MUSIC

The history of ROCK music is full of poop.

Many don’t realize the amount of times number two has gone number one.

In the early days, many of the most historic Rock bands took a lot of crap for poop-related songs. As a fecal matter of fact, below you will find some of the best examples of  mainstream manure music, some of which was shunned at the time.

Butt- Once you open your eyes to it, you will soon find yourself waste-deep in what is commonly referred to as ‘Stool Songs’.

“There are only two things we all have in common. We all fall in love.. and we all poop. I aim to write an equal amount of songs about both.”

-John Lennon

 

A HISTORY POOP SONGS

As many stories of Rock n Roll begin, our history of poop prose begins with the BeatlesTheir list of poop songs is as long as a roll of two-ply Charmin. This includes the classics:

  • “I Want To Hold Your Poop”
  • “Poop Together”
  • “While my guitar gently Poops”
  • “I saw her Pooping There”
  • “We Can Poop It Out”
  • “The Long and Winding Poop”
  • “EIGHT Poops a Week”

Then – from the free-spirited, free-poopin’ 70’s.

  • “(Like a) Bridge Over Poop Water”
  • “Mamma Told Me Not to Poop”
  • Smokey Robinson’s  “Poop of a Clown”
  • Roberta Flack’s “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Poop”

…and who can forget Martha Reeves and the Vandellas singing “Poopin’ In The Street”?!

The 80’s came along, and – as we all know – NOBODY ever cranked out as much poop as MTV! There was:

  • “Poop on Eileen”
  • The Police – “Every Poop You Take”
  • Survivor – “Poop Of The Tiger”
  • John Cougar “Poop So Good”

 The 80’s also saw an enormous wave of poop in R&B:

  • Michael Jackson – “Don’t Stop til you Poop Enough”
  • Wham – “Wake Me Up Before you Poop”
  • …and of course – “This is what it Sounds Like.. When Doves Poop”

And who didn’t like a little poop in their HAIR Metal?

  • Poison sang “Just give me Something to Poop In”
  • Slaughter:  “Poop All Night /Sleep All Day”
  • The BulletBoys “Poop Up In Ya”
  • Aerosmith “Dude Looks Like a Poop”

The 90’s changed everything! Some say it was a backsplash to all the glam of the 80’s. Some say it was an extension of the Poop Punk movement [“Blitzkrieg Poop” “Poop & Destroy” “Where Eagles Dare to Poop” ” I Don’t Wanna Poop In The Basement”]

Either way- GRUNGE came along on the back of the song that changed EVERYTHING:  

“Smells Like Teen Poop”

 

The 90’s, 2000’s and beyond

Now- Music is all over the place, but the biggest music remains in one of two realms:

1- POP

Britney Spears “Ooops I Pooped Again”

Lady Gaga’s “Pooping Face”

P!NK “Get the Poop Started”

The Black Eyed Peas “Boom Boom Poop”

2- RAP

Snoop Dogg “Drop It Like It’s Poop” 

Eminem “Poop Yourself”

Kanye’s “Poop Digger”

Nelly’s “Poop in Herre”

 

Lucky for us there are many services that cater to individuality and give you just the right poop. Poop the way YOU like it!

So whether you like your poop FAST & HARD… SLOW & EASY… or if you just long for the poop of your youth-

The Poop Is Out There.

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(c) 2018 WILL’s NEWS LLC.
Pendarvis has no idea what he is talking about.